Luke Russert's Road Through Grief

Two days before NBC News legend Tim Russert's death in 2008, he was on vacation at the Vatican with his wife, writer Maureen Orth, and son, Luke. They attended a prayer service with Pope Benedict XVI before Tim returned to the U.S. for work, while Maureen and Luke remained in Rome. That's where they received the tragic news about Tim's fatal cardiac arrest. Because Tim was a public person, Luke had the eyes of the country on him as he experienced his own grief. That had its positives and negatives, he recalled during an interview on Christopher Closeup about his memoir Look for Me There: Grieving My Father, Finding Myself.

For instance, Tim's wake in Washington, D.C. drew thousands of mourners. "It had the full ensemble of the American quilt," Luke said, "meaning President Bush stopped by, as well as the short order cook who is an immigrant from Sierra Leone from the diner near NBC. It was a beautiful thing to witness."

Luke ended up staying at the wake for nine hours to shake everybody's hand. He said, "I felt . . . I was bringing comfort to people. But then, I was also getting some strength from people as they walked through." Looking back on that period, Luke realizes he was being strong for others, but he never processed his own grief. He took a job with NBC News shortly thereafter, partially because it helped him stay connected to his father. It wasn't until Luke had an unexpected encounter eight years later that he reconsidered what he was doing.

One day, Luke got called in to meet with the Jesuit-educated Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Luke thought he was going to get chewed out for some negative coverage, but instead Boehner told him, "You're doing a great job, but you could do this job in your sleep. I've seen people that are here 20, 30, 40 years in the cycle that is American politics. . . . There's always the next election, a bill that has to be done, banquets to attend. . . .You might benefit from having some time to learn a new skill or get out of Washington to see how the rest of the country lives, the rest of the world lives. Just do something that affirms that you actually want to be here for the long term and [that this] is the right decision for you.

Boehner's observations became a major eye opener for Luke, who said, "I believe that God has messengers out there. And I think in that case, [Speaker Boehner] . . . [offered] worthwhile advice, and it ended up being a catalyst for me to do some self-evaluation and decide that maybe I needed to take a step away to figure out, who am I independent of all this and what am I about?"

Luke decided to travel around the world, mostly by himself, on a voyage of self-discovery. Though he believes in the power of community, he compared his need for aloneness to "retreats in our own Catholic faith, especially silent retreats. Or Jesus, 40 days and 40 nights. . . . There is something to be said about taking a moment for yourself, whether it's meditative or just being off of social media . . . and being perceptive, thinking about what the Jesuit Examen [says]: What did I do well today? What did I do bad today? What did I learn today? Where do I see myself fitting in today?"

Those questions led Luke to some spiritual epiphanies and revelations about life.

This essay is a recent "Light One Candle" column by Tony Rossi, Director of Communications, The Christophers; it is one of a series of weekly columns that deal with a variety of topics and current events.

Background information:

The Christophers