Emily Sanna on Family Communication via Music

"My family is best understood through our use of language. Weekly hour-long phone conversations. The notes I would throw down the stairs after I was sent to time-out when I was little: 'Dear Mommy, I wasn't trying to be a brat, I'm just really hot and I want a fan!' Books, thousands of which line the walls of my parents' house. The words we use to share, to pray, to celebrate, and to fight.

"But some of the most important conversations I've had with my family weren't in words at all. And this is an important lesson I have learned: It's not always verbal conversations that communicate meaning the best.

"Take, for example, my dad. He's an anomaly in this extended family of big talkers, and talk for him often seems utilitarian. . . .

"It took me a while to realize that it's not that my father lacks language: He just has a different way of communicating. He shows feelings and consideration not through words but through actions. Like the time he drove four hours when I had mono to bring me clean towels and empty the cat box. Or how he and I cook Thanksgiving dinner together, bickering the whole time about the best way to cook a turkey.

"The best conversations I've had with him have been through music. Even today, songs that we sang together when I was little bring tears to his eyes in a way that the most articulate piece of writing or moving emotional outburst cannot."

In a recent commentary, writer Emily Sanna reflected on the communication she had with her father via music.

To access Ms. Sanna's complete essay, please visit:

U.S. Catholic: When words fall short, a father and daughter turn to music (January 2019)